Chapter Eighteen: Breakthrough

EPOV

I tried to pretend like nothing was happening.

I didn’t do a very good job. I kept giggling like a little fucking girl trying to cover up the moan that was about to fall from my lips at any second.

Bella’s mouth felt amazing as always. She could do things with her fucking tongue that I didn’t even know were possible. I tried to pay attention to the game, but nearly got killed whenever she would stop to suck the head and swirl her tongue around before drawing me back into her mouth until I hit the back of her throat.

“Fuck.” I said before I could stop myself and immediately wished I hadn’t. My friends knew what was going on but were keeping their traps shut for the most part.

“Just bust a nut in her mouth or turn your mic off already.” Jake growled. I heard Emmett start to chuckle.

“Can you ask her if she has a sister?” Jasper quipped and Jacob snorted.

“No joke. I want to get my knob slobbed on while I play COD. Fuck someone hand the dude a beer and he will be king of the fucking Universe as far as I’m concerned.” Emmett added.

“Thanks guys. Really.” I managed to say.

I tried to concentrate for a moment no longer caring if I got killed or not. She felt so good and I wanted to come.

“I’m out for a sec.” I said ripping the headset off and tossing it aside. “Fuck Bella.”

I finally let out the moan that had been building up and it came out as more of a strange sounding growl. Bella hummed a laugh and laid her head to the side so she could see my face.

“Feel good?” she asked sweetly the head of my cock resting on her lips. She licked it and smiled at me.

“You have no fucking idea.” I said running my hands through her hair.

“I want you to come.” She said before pulling me back into her mouth. I left my hand on the back of her head as she went down again.

She didn’t have to wait long. I felt my muscles tighten and I came hard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” I groaned as I emptied myself into her mouth. She rolled onto her back with her head resting on my thighs and looked up with a content smile on her face.

“That’s better right?” She asked softly.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I said feeling guilty that she was always making me feel good but I had yet to go down on her. Frankly the idea still terrified me but I really wanted to do it for her.

I felt my stomach twist into a knot and I looked away nervously. “Um, do you want me to, can I, uh…” I pointed at her crotch like a total moron. She started laughing.

“You want to eat my pussy?” She asked bluntly.

“Only if you, well…I mean. Uh…yeah. I guess I do.”

“I would like that…a lot. But not right now. Is that ok?” She asked me and her expression was guarded almost as if she were expecting me to be offended that she didn’t want me to eat her out right now.

“No. That’s, that’s great. I know you’ve had a pretty fucked up day. I just want you to know that I will do that…for you.”

“You are so adorkable.” She purred and reached for my hand. She kissed my palm gently and held it to her cheek. She looked so beautiful my heart felt like it was going to explode out of chest. “Now get back on there and finish the damn game.”

I had almost forgotten. I glanced up at the screen and reached for the headset. I slipped it back on and grabbed the control.

“Hey guys, sorry.” I said.

“Hey look who it is!” I heard Jake say loudly.

“Dude, Edward I seriously want to kick you in your balls right now. ‘I will um…I will, I can eat your pussy if you want me to…’” Emmett mocked me almost word for word and I felt instantly mortified.

“What the fuck?” I asked getting pissed.

“You totally left your mic on man.” Jasper laughed. “We heard everything.”

“Fuck.” I growled.

“On a brighter note, that sounded like the best fucking blowjob in the history of mankind.” Emmett added with a chuckle. “I don’t know whether to be turned on or scarred for life.”

“I’m out.” I said angrily.

“No! Fuck dude we are almost done!” Jake protested and I could hear in his voice he was pissed.

I was so embarrassed I was fuming. “I hope you fuckers enjoy your sausage fest. I’m going to hang with my girlfriend.”

I leaned over Bella and switched off the power directly on the Xbox. I looked over at her and tried to wipe the scowl from my face. She was watching me curiously.

“Rage quit?” She asked with a laugh. “Girlfriend huh?”

“Those guys are assholes.” I leaned back against her bed and sighed. “Yeah, and I said girlfriend for lack of a better word. What do you want to do now?”

“I’m really tired.” She yawned stretching out on the floor and then relaxed again, her eyes drooping heavily. I gave her a half smile and leaned forward until I was leaning over her.

I hesitated for a moment staring at her and enjoying the sweet pouty smile that lit up her face as I lowered my lips to hers. I kissed her slowly savoring the feeling of warmth that spread from my stomach to the rest of my body.

I pulled away from her and saw that she still had her eyes closed. She sighed deeply and licked her lips. “That was so nice.” She opened her eyes. “I don’t kiss. Like, ever. You are the first person I’ve ever…kissed and really meant it.”

Her words made my heart skip several beats. I fucking loved her.

I slid my arm under hers and my other under her knees and lifted her to me. She squealed and shouted for me to put her down but I didn’t let her go. I held her close to my body and kissed the corners of her mouth and her nose and her cheeks.

I stood up carefully and carried her to her bed where I laid her down and then flopped down beside her. She quickly rolled over until her body was pressed into mine and she snuggled her nose in my chest and hooked her leg around my legs.

“Mmmm.” She hummed happily. “I’m going to fall asleep.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Then fall asleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

She was very quiet and I could only hear her breathing. Once it sounded like she opened her mouth to say something but then changed her mind because she didn’t make a sound.

“Bella. I meant what I said.” I stammered nervously finally getting the courage to break the silence.

“Hmm?” She mumbled in question.

“On First Beach. What I said to you. It wasn’t just because I was turned on or whatever. I meant it.”

“Love?” she asked lifting her head slightly so she could see my face.

“Yeah.” I cleared my throat, terrified of what she was going to do. To my complete amazement she tried to wiggle herself even closer to me.

“You know, that is why Katie was so mad.” She said softly. “She wanted me to end it with you because she knew you were falling in love with me.”

“I am.” I agreed. “I am in love with you.”

She sighed and became silent again.

My heart was pounding so hard I was sure she could hear it. I prayed that spilling my guts wasn’t going to result in her ordering me out of her house and never speaking to me again.

“Edward?” She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“If I tell you something, will you please promise me not to read too much into it yet? This whole situation is really fucking hard for me and I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

“You can tell me anything. Like I said before, no pressure.”

She shifted in my arms and I felt her muscles tighten with anxiety.

“Fuck, this is hard.” She laughed nervously. “You know you sit through hours and hours in therapy hoping that someday you will reach this point and now that it is here, I’m about to completely break down and flake out. It’s like the psychoanalyzed part of my head is trying to tell me that it’s not real. That what I’m feeling is just a phase and to be careful not to hurt anyone including myself. And yet, there is another part of my head…a more careless, unguarded part that is screaming at me not to let this go. You know?”

“I honestly have no idea what the fuck you are talking about.” I said candidly my brain swimming with theories of what she could be alluding to. Most of them negative.

“Just promise me. Ok? Promise me you won’t-”

“Bella. It’s ok. Just tell me.” I squeezed her reassuringly.

With another nervous laugh she swallowed hard and looked up at me. “There is another reason why Katie flipped out on me today.”

I quirked one eyebrow at her but didn’t speak. I just waited.

She looked down at my chin concentrating on it hard. “You are getting very scruffy.” She reached up and rubbed my stubble covered cheeks. I covered her hand with mine.

“That is why Katie freaked out? Because I’m too lazy to shave?”

“No. And for the record I like you all stubbly.” Her smile was brief before it melted away only to be replaced by an anxious grimace. “She freaked out because of something I said to her, about you. About how I feel.”

I felt my heart begin to beat faster.

“I, I told…I told her that I; fuck me this is hard.” I saw tears begin to pool in her eyes and I ached for her. I wished I could make this easier and make her understand that I wasn’t going to freak out or read too much into what she was about to say.

“Go ahead.” I encouraged.

“I love you.” She finally choked and two big tears rolled out of her eyes and spilled over her cheek. Her eyes flicked nervously to mine and I could do nothing but stare at her. “I told her that I was falling, am falling in love with you.”

“Really?” I asked so stunned I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

She nodded.

I felt my heart soaring. Bella loved me back. The shock of her statement had affected me so profoundly I felt paralyzed. This was a big deal for her. She was giving herself to me, not just her body but also her heart. I felt my stomach lurch sickeningly. What if I fucked this up? What if I hurt her somehow? She was trusting me with her emotional well being. I wasn’t fucking cut out for that shit. I was a fucking lazy, dorky, dumbass who couldn’t remember to take a shower most days let alone figure out how to be a good supportive boyfriend to a recovering sex addict.

“I just totally mind fucked you didn’t I? She asked coldly. Her voice completely void of emotion. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I could tell that she was putting up her defensive force field again and I wanted to stop that before it got any further.

“Oh no you don’t.” I said lifting her chin with my finger and kissing her softly. “No more fucking walls. You throw up walls to protect yourself and then you push away the people who care about you. I fucking care about you and I’m not going to let you do it anymore.”

“I’m not.” She protested weakly.

“Yeah. And I’m captain of the football team.” I made a funny face and she laughed. It felt so good to hear her give me a real laugh and not a forced one.

“It’s really a big deal for me to admit that.” She added avoiding my gaze. “My therapists would be jumping up and down with joy if they could’ve just heard me say that to you.”

“I know it’s a big deal. I’m still a little bit shocked.”

“Now I just need to convince my dad that I really am in love with you and this isn’t just another fucking game to me. He’s not going to believe me easily you know. He went through a lot when I was in rehab. I really fucked him up.”

I remembered the look on Chief Swan’s face when I ran into him at First Beach. He had seemed haunted and I hoped this breakthrough would help make that emptiness in his eyes go away.

“I’m going to fall asleep.” Bella sighed into my chest.

“Go ahead. I’ll wake you up.” I promised. “I love you.”

“Mmmm…I love you too.”