Driving home at five in the morning was a struggle to say the least. It was cold outside, I was so tired the yellow lines in the road were blurring, and I was kicking myself for leaving the house last night without a coat. It was still dark out and there was a heavy fog lingering over the ground like a thick blanket. I yawned and blinked my eyes trying to clear away the haze of sleep as I drove.
I had crept out of Edwards’s house as quietly as possible, slipping out of the window and scaling down the metal ladder as smoothly as I could. I didn't want to get Edward into trouble so I returned the borrowed ladder to its rightful place inside the neighbors shed and climbed into my truck which I had parked a ways down the road.
I reached for the keys and turned over the engine wincing slightly as it roared loudly to life. I gently pressed my foot on the gas pedal and eased away from the curb trying hard to be as quiet as possible before hitting the main road and speeding away towards my house. I had planned on leaving Edwards house much earlier but like an idiot I had fallen asleep in his arms.
With any luck I would still get home before Charlie realized I had left.
I tried to shut my brain off. I tried not to let my mind be taken over completely by thoughts of Edward. I tried to ignore the fact that I still smelled like him and that it had taken all of my willpower to climb out of his bed and leave him. It was hard for me to admit it, but I had been happier in his arms than I had been in a long time. I didn’t know what that meant, and frankly I didn’t care.
I glanced around as I pulled into my driveway but didn't see Charlie's police cruiser anywhere. Perhaps he, himself hadn't come home last night. With a sigh of relief, I got out of my truck and barely took two steps towards the front door when it suddenly swung open. There, standing in the threshold, looking the same as she had last night but wearing a new, angrier face was Katie.
She stormed down the front steps, and grabbed me forcefully by my arm.
"Ouch! Katie! What the fuck!" She ignored my protest and proceeded to yank me, painfully, into the house and up the stairs. Her silence was unnerving and only made worse by the fact that the only sound I could hear was the angry pounding of her feet on the wooden floors.
Finally, we reached my room and Katie shoved me through the door and slammed it forcefully before turning to face me. Her breathing was laboured and her hands were clenched in tight little fists at her sides.
“Where were you?” She asked slowly enunciating each word carefully.
“I...I stayed at Edwards.” I replied timidly, unsure of what exactly I had done to piss her off this much.
I didn’t have to wait long to find out.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Katie spat, “The boy said he fucking loved you for christ sakes and you decide to just go sauntering back to him? And then you have the balls to spend the night with him!!!”
I stood there speechless; not knowing how to explain myself, not that it would have made any difference. I could tell Katie wasn’t ready to hear me speak in my own defense. She glared at me and continued her rant without even taking a breath.
“I mean what the fuck Bella! We never spend the night with them. We fuck. We leave. Those are the rules. You know it and I know it. You are going to get us caught. You know that?” She looked at me in desperation. “Is that what you want? Do you want to get caught? Cuz we'll both get sent back to rehab again and we won’t get lucky this time, we'll be separated.”
I felt my cheeks flush hotly. I lowered myself onto my bed and fiddled with the hem of my shirt. I felt completely mortified and ashamed of my actions. Of course Katie was right. I was being careless and if I let this continue I would get us both into trouble. I felt a pang of guilt for getting both Katie and I into this situation. Tears began to well up in my eyes, I felt terrible for hurting the one person who had stood beside me through even my worst times.
“I...Im sorry.” I began as the tears started to fall from my eyes.
Katie's expression immediately changed. All of the anger in her face disappeared and was replaced with a look of so much sadness it broke my heart. She came and sat beside me on the bed, putting her arm around me for comfort.
“Bells...It’s you and me, against the world. Kay?” She whispered, her head resting on my shoulder. “We just need to be careful, I can’t go back there and I know you can’t either.”
I nodded, tears still spilling over my cheeks.
“Does he really love you?” She asked after a moment.
I nodded slowly.
“Do you love him?”
I nodded again and as I realized the truth a felt a sob catch in my throat and the tears started all over again. Katie stood up and began pacing the bedroom, deep in thought.
“Ok.”She finally said. “This is fine. This is nothing we can’t fix. We just need some damage control.” She looked up at me, as if expecting me to say something.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re going to have to end it. Once and for all.” She said with no emotion. With that said she began pacing and didn’t speak again for a while.
“Go get changed. I think we should just chill out today. We need to think things through and by tomorrow we'll be ready to take action. Ok?” She asked.
I nodded; the guilt consuming me. This was how it always was. I'd get in trouble and Katie would come bail me out. I needed some time alone to think so I gladly took her up on her suggestion that I take a shower and change my clothes.
I took longer in the shower than normal using the time alone to reflect on everything that had happened in the past twenty four hours. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cool tile letting the almost too-hot water massage my body. It felt so good I had to force myself to reach down and twist the faucet into the ‘off’ position. I reminded myself that Katie was in my bedroom waiting for me and I didn’t feel like pissing her off anymore than I already had.
I stepped out of the shower and quickly changed into a simple pair of panties and an old t-shirt. We weren’t going anywhere, Katie had said so, so I felt no need to dress properly.
I stepped timidly back into my bedroom and I saw that Katie was lying on my bed. She had changed into a pair of grey shorts and a white vest top.
“There's still some left from last night.” Katie held up her bag of weed and shook it, a grin on her face. “You want some?”
I couldn’t help but smile back at my friend. I knew no matter what happened between us, we would always be there for each other.
I nodded eager for some escape. “Charlie’s gone for the day as far as I can tell. As long as we're careful...”
She had already rolled a joint and began lighting up before I could finish. As she inhaled, she closed her eyes, holding the smoke in for a while before exhaling slowly. Opening her eyes again, they became fixated on my face as she held the joint out to me.
I grabbed it with my thumb and forefinger and brought it to my lips. I inhaled deeply and filled my lungs with thick smoke. I held my breath until I felt the familiar burn of my lungs screaming in desperation for clean air and slowly freed the heavy cloud. I watched the dense smoke swirl around my head and slowly float away.
I closed my eyes and smiled enjoying the taste.
“Come on Bells.” Katie said sweetly scooting over and patting the space on the bed beside her. Already feeling my body beginning to buzz I handed her the joint and slid onto the bed. I rolled over onto my back and welcomed the numbness.
The drugs worked quick.
In minutes I was so fried I could barely move as I rested my head beside Katie’s shoulder on my bed. She was talking, but honestly I had no clue what about because my body was buzzing so hard from the weed everything had become a slow moving haze. Every so often she would burst into a fit of giggles and I would follow suit, unable to control myself.
I felt Katie start playing with my hair. She pulled at a long strand and tugged it gently as she twirled it around her finger. I sighed and closed my eyes.
I heard her murmur something close to my ear and my flesh tingled when I felt her mouth hot on my neck. I tilted my head slightly and giggled. It felt good.
I felt her scoot closer to me and her hand brushed gently down my arm and over my breast. I shuddered and instinctively turned into her moaning breathlessly as I felt a very recognizable throbbing start between my legs.
I heard her laugh quietly and she turned her head and licked my lips softly, her tongue barely touching me. I whimpered and opened my mouth and she touched her tongue to mine teasingly refusing to kiss me. She sat up slightly and pulled her hair out of her pony tail and I felt it fall onto my shoulders and over my arms in a waterfall of soft waves. I immediately reached up and buried my hands in the silky lengths. I fucking loved her hair. I loved to touch it.
She slid down on the bed and slowly pushed my shirt up, her lips and tongue leaving a hot trail of kisses from my hips to my belly button and finally up to my nipples. I felt her lick at one tight, hard bud her tongue flicking back and forth until I gasped. I felt her take it between her teeth and tug gently and I moaned loudly arching my back and forcing my breast further into her mouth. I pulled at her hair and she released me and I heard her sigh breathlessly. She sat up and set one of her legs between mine and knelt over me.
I looked up at her and saw that she had one hand under her shirt, pushing it up so she could play with one nipple and the other was sliding down between her legs. I reached up and pressed my palm to her stomach and slid it upwards until I was cupping her other breast. She looked down at me her gaze intense and so charged with lust it made me tremble.
Still touching herself, she leaned over me and finally lowered her lips to mine to kiss me softly. Her mouth moved slowly and she used her tongue to tease me until I felt myself reaching orgasm. I raised my hips towards her and rubbed myself against her thigh the shocks of pleasure mixed with the haze of my high clouding my mind from anything other than her body and what I wanted her to do to me.
I wanted her to touch me.
“Please.” I moaned into her mouth.
I felt her smile and then I arched my back when I felt her hand between my thighs. She never stopped kissing me as she pulled my panties to the side. I spread my legs as wide as I could and pushed myself eagerly against her fingers crying out and grasping at the pillow behind my head as she slid them inside of me. I was so far gone at this point that I couldn’t think of anything other than release the pressure that was building and threatening to explode.
“Fuck Bella you are so fucking wet.” She groaned and I felt her thrust her fingers deeper. “Do you get this wet for him?”
I swirled my hips against her hand and I felt her grind her pussy on the top of my leg and I lifted my knee slightly to offer her more friction.
“Mmmmm.” She sighed.
She slid her fingers out of me and I felt her graze her wet fingertips over my clit. I gasped and my eyes opened wide. She was watching me knowingly her pouty lips curved into a sly smile. She did it again using barely any pressure. She knew just how to touch me. She knew to be gentle and relentlessly teasing. She knew me better than I knew myself and I knew she could tell I was about to come.
I kept my eyes locked with hers as she moved her fingers back and forth over my clit until I tensed up and started panting.
“See? Who needs fucking Edward?” Katie murmured into my mouth as she lowered her lips for another kiss.
As soon as she uttered his name I felt myself slam back to reality with a shock of clarity. What the hell was I doing? What the hell was Katie doing? She had fucking seduced me.
I sat up, fighting against Katie to do so and pushed her off me roughly. She fell off of the bed and hit the floor. Looking up at me in shock as I sat there staring at the wall, letting all the pieces fall into place around me.
“You have to go.” I said quietly.
She blinked and continued to look at me with a curious expression.
“What do you mean – I have to go.” She enquired.
“You have to go.” I repeated firmly, “I want you to go.”
Scrambling to her feet, she grabbed me, trying to get me to look into her eyes. I refused. I wouldn’t fall for her trap again. She had used me. She was pissed off that I was starting to have feelings for a man and he had feelings for me. Katie was terrified of being alone and Edward was threatening her perfect little fucked up world.
I loved Katie I really did. I honestly needed her when I had been in rehab. She was my support system and my closest friend. But I could feel that I was starting to change and I think she could to and this frightened her. She was trying to get me to stay with her the only way she knew how and that was to use my own weakness against me.
I finally saw how it was. I didn’t need her anymore. I didn't even want her anymore. Edward had changed me in ways I never thought possible. I only wanted to feel his touch on my skin; I only wanted his arms around me. I wanted to hold his hand and shout to the world that I belonged to him, and only him.
I loved him. I really fucking loved him. Fuck me what had I done?
As I finally accepted this fact, it was as if walls began to crumble around me. All those bottled up feelings finally escaped and raced through my veins. I ached for Edward. I wanted to see his face and taste his lips. I needed him.
Then there was Katie.
I looked to see her standing in the corner of the room, watching me. She looked frightened, like she didn’t know what was happening. I stood and as I walked towards her, I smiled.
“You were always there for me when I needed you. And for that I will always love and appreciate you.” I paused and shrugged, “but I don’t need this anymore.”
Her eyes grew cold as she took in my last words.
“You will. You'll fuck up, you always do you stupid bitch.” She spat, “You'll fuck up, and you'll come running… and me? Well I'll be even more of a stupid bitch for allowing it!”
“You need to leave now.” I said firmly, grabbing her bags from beside my bed and tossing them at her. “What you just tried to do to me is not right. You used me. I can’t even sit here and look at you. I can’t trust myself around you and what kind of friendship is that?”
“I love you Bella. I know you love me too. When you finally get sick of this Edward fucker give me a call.”
She leaned down to pick up her bags; her head held high she left my room. I heard her stomp down the stairs and slam the front door. I sighed with relief for the second time today. I felt my knees buckle and I sank down onto my floor.
What the hell had just happened? I grabbed handfuls of my hair and pulled in frustration. I wanted fucking Edward, and I wanted him now. I needed him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be ok and that I hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of my life.
Today I had become a different person.
Quite a breakthrough, as my shrinks would say.