I stood there like a fucking dumbass and let her walk away.
I wanted to chase after her. In movies the girl always wanted the guy to chase after her but something told me this was nothing like the movies. First of all, how could I forget that I was the goddamned girl in this situation. So if anyone should be doing any chasing it should be her after me.
What the fuck had I done?
I had been caught up in the moment. I had gotten too comfortable with her. The way she was kissing me had driven me to an edge and I let myself fall right over without even thinking. I had said I loved her. The second the words slipped from my mouth I felt my heart stop. I had hoped she would dismiss what I had said as nothing more than a heat of the moment case of word vomit. But she was sharper than that.
The look on her face had completely crushed me. She was so angry she was shaking and she glared at me like I was disgusting to her. I felt like a weak fucking excuse for a man.
I saw her headlights illuminate the tree line as she pulled out of the parking lot and then disappear down the winding drive leading to the main road. I stood there staring into the darkness wishing I could take it back.
You know what? Fuck that.
I really liked this girl. I had never liked a girl like this before in my life and even when I did have a crush I was too big of a pussy to do anything about it. Not anymore. I wasn’t the fucking girl in this relationship…I was me and I was fucking done.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and started the climb up the hill. As I heaved myself up the last step I ran smack into Chief Swan.
“Sorry about that Mr. Cullen.” The Chief apologized as he held me steady so I didn’t fall backwards down the stairs.
“Hello sir.” I said with a sharp nod of my head. I reached up and ran my hand through my hair nervously. The Chief studied me for a moment and then looked away his lips pursed.
“I saw you with Bella.” He said finally and then looked down at his feet. “She was upset when she left. Is she done with you then?”
“Done with me sir?” I asked having an idea of what he was asking but not sure enough to answer him.
“She tends to chew boys like you up and spit them out again pretty fast. She struggles a lot..with, depression. At least that is what they tell me. She never seems depressed but what the hell do I know, I’m just her dad.”
He glanced at me for a brief second before turning to look back out at the dark ocean. I could see in his eyes that he was completely lost as to what to do for his daughter. He knew she had a problem but he had no idea how to help her. I couldn’t imagine going through that.
For a moment I felt guilty for enabling Bella’s addiction. But then I thought about how she acted towards me, and that fucking kiss. That had meant something to her I know it did. She wouldn’t get this pissed off about me saying I loved her unless she was scared out of mind.
“I’m sorry sir. I said something to her that set her off. I don’t think she will be talking to me again anytime soon.” I said feeling the truth of this statement weighing heavily on my shoulders.
Chief Swan nodded and looked back up at me. “Go home son. I’m about to break up this shin dig and I think you have had quite a night already.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I thanked him and started my long walk home.
Thankfully Katie and Jacob passed by me a half hour into my trek and stopped to pick me up. They had been in the woods, doing god knows what, when Chief Swan had showed up and started handing out MIP’s and even arresting two reservation boys who had pot on them. I was glad I had been given a get out of jail free card.
“So, where is Bella?” Katie asked me her eyes suspicious as she studied my face. I saw Jacob glance in the rearview mirror and I could tell he was also curious to hear what had happened.
“I fucked up.” I mumbled honestly figuring Katie was the closest thing I was going to get to Bella at this point. I hoped that if maybe I was truthful she would go home and tell Bella that I knew I had messed up and I was really sorry. “She was making out with me and I got caught up in the moment and I may have said I fucking loved her.”
“You. What!!???” Katie asked in shock. Her eyes were wide and unblinking as she stared me down. I immediately felt like a complete dumbass. “She bolted didn’t she? Yeah. You are so fucked now.”
With a laugh Katie turned back around shaking her head and mumbling something I didn’t understand.
I rode the rest of the way in silence trying to ignore Jake and Katie in the front seat getting all touchy feely. Jake finally pulled into my driveway and I couldn’t get out fast enough. Before closing the door I thanked Jake for the ride and turned to Katie. “Look, if you see her tonight please tell her I’m fucking sorry. I just want to talk to her.”
Katie gave me a pity smile and nodded. “I will.”
For some reason I didn’t believe a word she said. Plus I had a sneaking suspicion she wasn’t going anywhere near Bella tonight. She had her tentacles wrapped pretty tightly around Jacob and I assumed they would be finding a place to spend the night together. I felt a slight pang of jealousy as they drove away.
I said a quick hello to my mom and dad before practically running up the stairs to my room. I shut and locked my door and immediately went for the Xbox. I was hoping Bella had messaged me. I waited impatiently, my knee bouncing anxiously as I waited for the familiar ‘bloop’.
Not even a message from any of my friends.
I threw the controller down and pressed my palms into my forehead. Should I message her? Should I sit around and wait for her to come online? Should I find her phone number and call her? I was so frustrated with myself and with the entire situation that I decided the best thing I could do was to go to sleep and figure out what the fuck to do in the morning. I wasn’t doing myself any favors pacing the floor of my room and wondering about “what if’s” and “what now’s?”.
If Bella wanted to talk to me she would find me. She had always made it perfectly clear that she knew exactly what the hell she wanted. I figured that if I went to her she would just get skittish and push me away. I quickly got dressed for bed and flopped onto my mattress ready and hoping to will myself into a dreamless coma.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on anything other than Bella Swan.
Dreams were cruel.
I was trying my hardest to avoid thinking about her at all and yet here she was invading my brain while I slept. She had crawled into my bed, sliding under the covers silently and curving her warm body into mine. She wound her arms around me and held me close, her nose buried in my chest.
With a sigh I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close humming happily as I kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled so good and I couldn’t stop touching it with my free hand. The silky strands felt like liquid running between my fingers.
Her body was so warm and as I gently rubbed my hand up and down the curve of her back I tried to wrap myself around her craving her heat. I smiled to myself. How many times since I met Bella did I dream of this moment? She was in my bed, her body clinging to me as I held her tightly. I could feel her breathing and hear her heart beating against my chest. Her smell and the feeling of her skin seemed so real to me I desperately tried to keep my eyes shut. I was terrified I was going to wake up and all of this would go away.
I wished the real Bella could understand how much I cared about her. I wanted her to know that this is all I wanted from her. I didn’t want to hurt her or smother her. I just wanted as many of these perfect effortless moments as I could get. I wanted her to let go of whatever fucked up definition of love she had drilled into her pretty head and finally see what I felt.
Dream Bella started to shake slightly in my arms and I sucked in and held my breath wondering what was wrong. I listened closely and thought I heard her make a sad whimper. It almost sounded like she was crying. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, she nuzzled her head further into my shoulder and sobbed.
“Bella.” I whispered. “Babe, come on. It’s ok.”
I rubbed my hand up and down her back trying to soothe her.
This was my fucking dream damnit! Why was my dream Bella crying? I didn’t understand.
I heard her gasp for breath and I finally opened my eyes and looked down at her. She was curled up so tightly to me; every part of her body was touching mine. I pulled the blanket more tightly around us and held her. I didn’t talk at all I just let her cry.
Was this normal? Didn’t normal guys have perverted dreams about fucking the girls they liked? What the fuck was wrong with my head?
I finally felt her body still and I pulled her back slightly to see her face. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and I couldn’t help but smile at her. She looked beautiful in my arms. I never wanted to let her go.
“You ok?” I asked feeling silly for talking to her when I knew she was just in my imagination.
“I’m so sorry Edward.” She said to me, her eyes welling up with tears all over again. It broke my heart to see her like this. On one hand I wanted to wake up so I didn’t have to watch her hurting, and on the other I wanted this dream to never end.
“It’s ok. I understand. I should never have said it.” I whispered softly as I leaned down to kiss her forehead. “You aren’t ready for that shit. I can’t blame you. I just wish I hadn’t been such a clueless dickhead.”
“You are not a dickhead.” Dream Bella assured me with a glimmer of a smile.
“Yeah. I am. I totally knew better and didn’t stop myself. I knew about your…problem and I just fucking did it anyway…that means I am a dickhead.”
She put her hand on my cheek and brushed her thumb over my lips. I grabbed her hand with mine and kissed her palm softly.
“I hope I never wake up.” I murmured into the soft smooth skin of her hand.
“Never wake up?” She asked sounding confused.
I laughed softly. “Yeah. This is the best fucking dream.”
“This isn’t a dream Edward.” her words were laced with laughter and I pulled back slightly to get a better look at her face.
“What do you mean not a dream?”
“It’s not a dream.”
I studied her face closely still not convinced. I looked around. Yep, still in my bedroom. There was my Xbox and my TV and my messy and cluttered floor. This was most definitely a dream.
“If this is real how the fuck did you get in here?” I asked narrowing my eyes at her.
“You didn’t lock your window.”
“My window? Bella, I’m on the second floor.”
“Yeah, trust me I know. Getting up here was not easy. I hope your neighbor doesn’t mind that I borrowed his ladder.”
I sat up in the bed and stared down at Bella who was laying on my pillow her arms still latched tightly around my waist.
“This isn’t a dream.” I finally realized. She bit her lip and smiled at me shaking her head. I ran my hand through my hair my mind still reeling.
She had come to me. She didn’t call me, or try to message me. Bella had jacked a ladder from my neighbors shed, scaled the wall to my room, and then slipped into my bed with me and made herself at home.
“You are really here.” I knew I sounded like an idiot but my brain still had not processed the fact that she was really here with me. “Fuck Bella I am so fucking sorry.”
“I know. You told me already.”
“No. I told dream Bella.”
“Dream Bella?” She laughed and I fought and urge to lean down and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. She looked so fucking sexy curled up under my blankets, her hair a mess of waves spilling out over my pillow.
“Yeah.” I stuttered. “You are real Bella and I am so fucking sorry. You have no idea.”
“I have an idea. I’m sorry for going off on you. I know you were just being honest, it’s just… I’m just not ready to hear shit like that yet.”
“I know. I knew better. I don’t know what the hell happened.”
“It’s ok.” She wiped at the tears in her eyes and smiled. “If you fucking tell anyone that you saw me cry I will hunt you down and castrate you.”
“I have no idea what you are referring to.”
She propped herself up and planted a soft kiss on my lips before flopping back down onto my pillow. With a breathy moan, she reached her hands over her head and stretched. Like a sick pervert I immediately noticed how good her tits looked as they strained against her tank top and I reached out slowly and ran my finger along the curve of her breast. She held perfectly still and watched me curiously.
I have no idea what came over me. I don’t know if it was because I was half asleep and in fantasy land or the fact that Bella was in my bed, but I felt myself getting a raging fucking hard on. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I knew Bella was in a vulnerable place at the moment and the good Edward would have backed off and just held her until she was better, but good Edward was nowhere to be found. For a moment I thought about getting up and going to my bathroom to jerk off but fuck that.
I looked up at her and she was still watching me, waiting for me to make my next move.
I grabbed at the front of her tank top and yanked it down roughly.
“Fuck me. You are so fucking sexy.” I groaned as I stared at her tits memorizing every curve. I ran my finger gently along the soft sway of her breast and when I grazed her hard pink nipple, Bella made a small noise and bit down onto her lip.
She started to reach her hand down under the blanket but I ripped the blanket off and grabbed onto her wrist before she could touch herself.
“Oh no you don’t.” I said with a laugh.
“Fucking touch me then.” She growled. I cocked one eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes. “Please.”
“I’ll think about it.” I answered with a shrug. I leaned down over her and licked her nipple, swirling my tongue around and over the bud before taking it into my mouth.
She closed her eyes and arched her back gasping. I saw her hand start drifting downwards again and I grabbed onto it.
“Fuck you.” She snapped at me fighting to get her hand loose. I raised myself up slightly so that I was kneeling beside her.
“Here. If you need somewhere to put your hand I have an idea.” I took her hand and guided it straight to my cock. I rested her palm against my shaft and I almost laughed when I saw the excitement flash in her eyes. I was wearing a pair of board shorts and she impatiently unlaced the top and pulled them down just enough to get my dick out.
“Can I lick it?” she asked eagerly, her eyes wide.
“Fuck yes.” I moaned as I reached down and started stroking myself while she watched me.
I didn’t need to say it twice. She flipped herself over and knelt in front of me, her mouth inches from my cock. She leaned forward and swirled her tongue over the head, her rhythm matching my own. I was so fucking turned on I could feel myself reaching my breaking point, but there was no way I was fucking ready yet. I held my breath and watched myself jerk off while Bella licked and sucked my cock with each thrust.
“I love watching you do that.” I groaned. “But I need you to lie down.”
She whimpered. “Will you cum in my mouth?”
“No.” I said flatly. “Lie down.”
“Please.” She begged.
“No. I’m in fucking charge right now.” I said harshly. “Now lie down.”
She obeyed me quickly, she dropped onto her back and as she lie there she pinched her nipples and spread her legs wide. “Please.”
“Do you want me to fuck you?” I asked as I pulled her black yoga pants off and tossed them across the room. Lucky for me she wasn’t wearing any panties. I knelt in front of her and slid my finger into center.
“Please.” She begged thrusting herself down onto my hand.
I removed my hand and scooted myself closer to her. I put the tip of my cock inside of her and then pulled it back out. I slid it up her pussy and bumped it against her clit. She cried out and bucked her hips
“What do you want?” I asked teasing her with my cock loving how she begged for me. She reached down between her legs and started touching herself. I continued to stroke myself as I watched her flick her finger back and forth over her clit.
She suddenly growled loudly and then pushed me away and swung her leg over as she flipped onto her stomach. She pushed herself up slightly and pushed her ass against me.
“Fuck me.” She demanded.
I didn’t hesitate. I grabbed her ass with both hands and I slammed my cock into her pussy. She cried out loudly and I hoped to god my parents didn’t walk in to check on me. I slid my hands over her ass and gripped tightly onto her hips as I thrust myself in and out of her. I loved how it felt fucking her from behind. I loved how she looked with her ass in the air her legs spread, begging for me. I worried for a moment that I was being too rough with her but she was still whimpering for more.
“I’m going to cum.” She panted. “Fuck Edward I’m coming.” As her orgasm peaked she gasped and reached out to grab onto the edge of my headboard. She pulled herself up slightly which changed the angle of her position and the slight adjustment did me in. I couldn’t help it, I came hard.
Neither of us moved for several seconds until finally she collapsed underneath me. I lay down beside her and kissed her shoulders and her back gently. She turned her head to the side and watched me.
“What?” I asked as I rested my head on my pillow and stroked her hair which was slightly damp with sweat.
“What the fuck go into you?” She asked with a grin. “I mean, I’m not complaining but…what the hell?”
“You looked like you need a good fuck.” I shrugged trying not to laugh.
She shook her head and scooted closer to me until her body was curled into my side.
“Promise me you will do that more often.”
I kissed her softly and smiled at her. “That is one promise I can keep.”
“I am going to fall asleep.” She murmured quietly, her eyelids fluttering closed. “Is that ok?”
Who the fuck was I kidding? Of course it was.
“Yes.” I answered quietly.
We both fell asleep instantly and to my complete amazement she never let go of me once.