Chapter Fourteen: Fear And Loathing In La Push

BPOV

I have no idea what the hell just happened.

Yes, we had kissed. But it was the weirdest fucking kiss of my entire life. Had I been in my normal frame of mind I would have crushed my mouth to his and kissed him until my lips were swollen and bruised. Whenever I kissed anyone, be it Edward or the most recent flavour of the month, it was always the same; frantic and driven by my insatiable lust. This kiss had been totally different. I didn’t pull his hair or attack him with my lips and tongue. I had slowly moved my mouth against his; every second gentle and calculated. I took the time to savour the way he tasted, the softness of his lips, the way his stubble tickled my chin. This was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I was still breathless, but not for lack of oxygen.

I snuggled into Edward and tried to collect my thoughts.

"That was...that was really, um. What was that?" He asked finally with a quiet laugh.

As soon as he spoke, I realized the truth; and it scared the shit clean out of me.

I felt my muscles freeze and I pulled away from him quickly. Edward looked at me, slightly taken aback and as he stared into my face I felt a pang of guilt as I saw the hurt in his eyes.
I immediately tried to stamp the fucking guilty feelings right out of me. What the fuck was I doing? I didn’t feel guilty for anything I'd ever done. For fucks sake I have slept with a guy whilst his incredibly pissed off girlfriend watched. I got a school teacher fired from their job for fucking me; on school property no less. Fuck, I'd even screwed the entire Mathletes team at my last school, causing them to fight over me and lose their big tournament. Yet here I was, feeling guilty for this. For hurting Edward’s feelings.

This boy had me wrapped round his little finger and it was freaking me out. This had to end.
I heard Katie call out to me from the beach and used her as an excuse to head on down to the bonfire. The rez, from what I could make out in the dark, was beautiful.
I saw that the gang had been busy creating a mini-camp on the rocky patch of beach located near the edge of the woods. They had a large fire going, and had placed several long pieces of driftwood around it in a lopsided circle for seating.

I walked with Edward, his hand in mine, and as we reached the bonfire. Two younger boys from the reservation stood up, and offered us their seats on the driftwood. I smiled politely at them and took their place. I momentarily felt guilty when the boys took seats on the cold and rocky ground but they seemed completely unphased. Edward sat beside me, putting one arm around my back and the other round my front. I leaned into him snuggling my face back into his throat and he kissed me lightly on the head. I put my hand on his knee and gave it a light squeeze. He chuckled lightly as I turned to see what the others were up to.

I saw Katie hadn’t missed a move. She was in full hunting mode. Her hair, which was up at the restaurant, was now falling down her back. Katie’s hair was her number one weapon. The girl had great hair, the kind that men died to run their hands through. She used this to her advantage and only wore it down when she was on the prowl.

From the looks of things, Jake was in for one hell of a night.

“Ed!” At the sound of his name, Edward and I both turned our heads. There, stumbling towards us was one very intoxicated Emmett.

“I’m so glad you could finally make it!” He slurred, his breath reeking of alcohol even from this distance. “And Bella, m'lady. How fairest ye are?”

He stumbled a few steps further before he lost control and fell onto the ground.

“Whoopsies!” We heard him cry out as a few other boys came to help him up.

“We need to get him home.” One boy with long hair said to another whilst they both held Emmett up by his thick arms.

“Well you take him!” The other boy said who was a lot more built than the long haired boy, as he dropped his side.

“Have you seen the size of this fucker?” He shouted at his friends back as he walked away, ignoring him.

The long haired boy sighed, looking down at Emmett.

“Right fucker, your heavy as it is, I swear, you throw up in my truck, your fucking cleaning it tomorrow morning.” He said as he grabbed Emmett by both arms and began dragging him towards the parking lot.

Emmett all the while was making incoherent comments and stumbling like Bambi on ice . Edward chuckled as he watched the boy struggle with Emmett and then turned to me with a sigh.

“I should probably go help them.” He started to unwind his arms from me and I felt a strange feeling of panic well up in my chest. I grabbed his forearms with my hands and held tightly.

“Please.” I snuggled back into him. “Don’t.”

His muscles tightened slightly as if he were going to stand up, and then relaxed again as he gave in.

We sat there for a very long time listening to the conversation going on around us but not really paying attention. I closed my eyes and soaked in the heat radiating from the bonfire.
We were lost in our own little world and for the moment I was quite happy to be there. I noticed Katie shooting me dirty looks every so often but thankfully she was too wrapped up in trying to seduce and fuck Jake that she didn’t have much time to worry about what I was doing.
Edward absently ran his hands up and down my arm, and then down to my leg his long fingers always moving in slow soothing circles.

“Hey Ed!” Jake called, motioning towards Jasper and winking. Jasper had had quite a bit of Katie’s stash and was so blitzed he was sitting on the ground near the fire and was running his fingers back and forth in the sand seemingly entranced by the feeling of the cool grains in his hands.

We watched with curious expressions as Jacob crept around behind Jasper and leaned down to whisper into his ear.

“Took too much man, too took much.” Jake said in his best Dr. Gonzo impression, “Gonna have seizures man, brain bubbles man…follow the hippos man!!!”

Jasper looked like he'd gone into shock. He froze, his eyes wide and turned to look behind him.
I giggled and chimed in, “If we're ever going to get out of here alive…we're going to need golf shoes!”

At the sound of my voice, Jasper spun around and lost his balance and fell flat on his back in the rocky sand. Everyone around the camp-fire burst into fits of laughter as he pushed himself back into a sitting position. His hair was hanging in his eyes which were now scanning the faces of everyone around him accusingly.

Jake patted him on the back.

“I think it’s time we got you home bro.”

“What?” Katie practically shrieked spinning around to glare at Jacob. Realizing how frantic she sounded she collected herself and spoke again. “I mean, I'm sure he doesn’t want to cramp your style.” She glared at Jasper “How's about I call for a cab to come get him? And then you can stay here with little old me.”

I rolled my eyes into the back of my head as she smiled sweetly at Jake. Clearly his response must not have been enough for Katie because she then seductively sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and ever so subtly ran her hand through her hair.

“That ok?” She asked again batting her eyelids at Jake.
I actually felt sorry for the poor boy. His jaw hung open for a few seconds before he was able to stammer out some form of agreement. As soon as she detected an OK in his stuttering, she flipped her phone out and began asking for a cab company number.

“Um, this is a reservation. We don’t have cabs.” One of the younger boys said with a laugh.

“Urgh.” She looked up and glared at me and I just shrugged. She finally turned to the boys sitting around the fire and tugged her low cut shirt down even lower so that her cleavage was pouring over the top. “Would one of you boys mind taking him home real quick? For me?”

They all stared up at her with dumb looks on their faces, their eyes buried deep in the curves of her perky breasts.

“Yeah. I will. No problem.” One of them finally managed to sputter breathlessly. She walked right up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks sweetheart. You are the best.”

As she walked away from them and past me I thought I heard her grumble “Fucking sick of having to drug these gits before..” under her breath.

I smiled at her frustration as I watched her supervise the safe removal of Jasper. He was slap happy and giggling like a mad hatter as the boys lifted him under his arms and escorted him into
one of their trucks.

Jake, who had managed to pick his jaw off the ground, came and sat with Edward and I and began rolling a joint.

“So your friend Katie then,” He said as he began to roll, “She’s legal right?”

“Christ Jake! You could have started with an easier question. Like, is she single or something?” Edward scolded him.

“Nah,” He smirked as he licked the rolling paper, “I only want the important information. So she is, isn't she?”

I nodded, “Yep, she’s legal alright and definitely interested in you seeing as your are too.”

I just loved playing matchmaker. Jake finished rolling and placed the joint in his mouth. Pulling a lighter out of his shorts he lit up, inhaled and held his breath for a while, letting him take the full hit.

“Jake.” Katie called in her most seductive voice. I looked over to see standing off near the woods and batting her eyelashes like crazy. “Can you come help me with something?”

Jake exhaled immediately and whilst having a coughing fit handed the joint to Edward and without another word to us nearly ran over to her.

“God help him.” Edward said, taking a draw.

I held my hand out to take the joint. “Mind if I?” I asked.

Edward shrugged and handed the joint to me, I took a few draws, letting the smoke rise out of my mouth in thick white puffs.

I loved Katie's stash, it always got me horny as hell.

I looked around and noticed that there were only about five or six people left still milling around near the camp-fire. They looked like a very close knit group of friends and I couldn’t help but smile at their frequent outbursts of laughter.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath loving the relaxing mellow that was now settling over my body as the effects of the weed took hold.

“I’m fucking cold as shit.” I mumbled wrapping my arms around my legs tightly. I could feel a chill roll through my body as a wind picked up and blew cold ocean air straight through my clothes. I shivered.

“Hey, hold on just a sec ok?” Edward said standing up. I grabbed onto the hem of his shirt and held tightly. He looked down at me and smiled. “I’ll be right back. I swear.”

I dropped my hand and watched him walk away towards the other people who were closer to the camp-fire. He waved hello and stood talking for a moment before gesturing towards something on the ground beside the driftwood. A girl leaned over and grabbed what looked like a blanket and handed it to Edward. He waved to each one of them and walked back over to me with the fabric slung over his arm.

He held it up as he got closer. “Victory.”

I reached for it greedily. “Oh my god gimmie.”

“Hold on a sec.” He laughed as he lowered himself onto the ground and leaned his back against the large piece of driftwood. “Ok come here.”

He was holding his arms out to me and I just stared at him. He rolled his eyes and reached over and pulled me into his lap. I giggled as he threw the blanket around us both and held me close to his body.

I let him hold me like this while I warmed up, but there was no denying the fact our physical closeness was going to set me off at any moment. I was a ticking time bomb and I could feel the anxiety building up inside of me as the seconds ticked by. I felt him shift his weight slightly and his hand dropped to my waist. His fingers were warm against my skin and I nuzzled my nose into the spot just below his ear.

“This feels much better.” I murmured into his neck. I lifted my nose slightly and breathed a kiss into his ear. I heard him clear his throat and the fingers that were resting on my waist twitched slightly. I smiled to myself. His very slight response was all it took.

I pulled the blanket over my shoulders holding it steady as I twisted in his arms until I was straddling him. I rested my head against his chest and kissed the front of his neck, my lips making a deliberate path to his jaw line. I pulled his earlobe into my mouth and sucked on it gently. I heard him moan very quietly.

The sound went straight for my pussy and I felt myself getting wet.
I rocked my hips against his rubbing myself on him and enjoying the sensation that rippled through my body. I lifted my head and licked his lips with my tongue teasingly pulling back when he reached forward to kiss me.

“Bella.” He complained as he reached for me again and again I pulled away. I swirled my hips in a circle hoping to remind him of what it was like to have me riding him. He groaned and I felt him put both hands on my hips and start sliding them up under my shirt. I loved the way his hands felt on my skin. I licked my lips and raked my hair out of my eyes and thrust myself hard against his pelvis. He closed his eyes, bit down on his lip, and used his hands to force me to hold still. “Fuck…Bella.”

“I want you so fucking bad right now.” I panted into his ear as I leaned forward and pressed my lips into his shaggy bronze hair.

I was totally shocked when I felt his hand drop from my side and start fumbling with the button at the top of my jeans. I felt my heart start hammering in my chest and I leaned backwards slightly to make it easier for him. I watched him carefully his expression making me smile. He was concentrating so hard his face was twisted into a look of intense focus. He finally popped the button and slid the zipper down.

I knew that I should care that several people were just on the other side of the camp-fire. I knew that we weren’t invisible. I was also pretty sure that everyone knew exactly what was going on under our blanket so I stopped giving a shit and I quickly pushed my pants over my hips and wiggled my way out of them.

“Bella you can’t, we can’t –“ Edward sputtered as I struggled under the blanket.
I just laughed. “I just did.” I grabbed his hand and pressed his palm over my pussy. He moved my panties to the side and slid his fingers into my folds.

I threw my head back and moaned quietly. He tilted his hand just right and started to rub his index finger over my clit. The constant and rhythmic motion made my legs tremble and I finally leaned in to kiss him.

I could tell he was beyond turned on. I don’t know if it was a combination of all that had happened today, or the fact that we were almost fucking in public but he worked his fingers on my pussy and his tongue in my mouth like I was the last woman on earth. He completely consumed me. I didn’t want to come because I didn’t want this to end but I could feel myself reaching my climax.

I pushed my lips against his ear as I tried to control my body. “God Edward…I’m going to cum. Fuck me that feels so good.”

He was breathing just as hard as I was and I wished I could be helping him get some release too. He kissed me again, softer this time. “Come for me.”

His words were like a shot of heroin. I felt my muscles tighten as wave after wave of pleasure hit me hard. He chuckled softly as I continued to rock my hips and rub myself against his fingers.

“So fucking good.” Was all I could manage to say.

“I fucking love you.” He panted into my ear as he buried his hands in my hair and pulled my lips to his.

Wait.
What?

I stiffened and backed off of him. “What did you say?” I asked.

He stared at me with a deer in the headlights look on his face.

“I didn’t say anything.” He answered immediately. I knew he was fucking lying I had heard him.

“Don’t lie to me.” I hissed.

“I said I love you. But I didn’t mean it like that. I love doing this to you…I love making you feel good.” He tried to backtrack but the damage had already been done. I had heard what he said the first time.

“Why Edward? Why would you go fuck this up like that?” I asked him as I crawled off of him and stood up throwing the blanket off of us. It was so fucking hot I couldn’t breathe.

I didn’t care that everyone was staring at me standing there with no trousers on. I swiped my jeans off the ground and started pulling them on angrily.

“I’m sorry!” He shouted and I could hear the panic in his voice. “I’m sorry Bella. I have feelings for you. You know that. When you get intimate with me like that they just become overwhelming. I can’t help it.”

I held my hand up and noticed that it was shaking angrily. “Just stop. Ok? You said it, I heard it. And I just…I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I should have listened to my fucking instincts. I should have listened to fucking Katie!”

“Wait!” He yelled as I slid my shoes back on and started walking towards the parking lot. “Bella please.”

I didn’t look back even once. I didn’t want to see his face right now. He had a way of making me all discombobulated whenever I looked at him.
I could handle a crush. I could handle a boy that wanted a relationship. I could not however, handle a boy who thought he was in love.
I marched up the hill heading for the truck. Each step I took was fuelled with anger and I wondered if he was still following me. As I reached the top I noticed a police car was parked next to my truck and a growled, throwing my hands towards the sky.

“Really?” I asked out loud to no one in particular. “What else?”

As I passed the squad car I recognized my dad. His window was down and his lights were off. I wondered how long he had been sitting there.

“Bells, we need to have a talk.” He said seriously.

“Now is not a good time dad.” I said honestly.

“Go straight home. Do you understand me?”

I nodded.

I climbed into the cab of the truck and turned the key happy for the loud sound of the engine. I didn’t want to hear myself think.
I drove home quickly battling my brain the entire time. I kept seeing Edward’s face and smelling Edward on my clothes and I would start to think about how he made me feel. And then I would remember what he said, and the way he was slowing changing me and I would get furious all over again.

Fuck Edward Cullen.

I had broken the rule before rule number one…and now I was paying for it.