Fuck. I should have figured I’d have a shit ton of messages when I got home. I sunk down into the shitty lazyboy in the corner of my bedroom and stared at my message inbox. I clicked on it and saw that it was Jasper.
Emotncntrl: Hey buttfucker.
How was the date?
I rolled my eyes and typed my response wondering if he was online.
I got an immediate response.
Emotncntrl: Admitting it was a date now huh? Just fine? What’s that mean?
Sprklpuss: It means just fine, now fuck off.
Emotncntrl: Whatever dick. TDM.
I saw the party invite message to join their TDM flash on my screen and I pressed it eagerly. I needed to get some rage out. I wanted to kill some fucking noobs. I slid my headset on and smiled when I heard my friends cuss at me in welcome.
“Hey it’s sparkle nuts!” Emmett yelled with a whoop. “How was your date not a date?”
“It was great. Now can we just play I really don’t want to talk about it.” I mumbled.
“Shit man. Cock block city then huh?” I heard Jake ask his deep voice filled with laughter.
“Yeah, I guess so.” I really didn’t want to get into details.
I didn’t want to tell them that my ‘date’ had been anything but a cock block. Up until the end it had been pretty fucking fantastic. Bella was funny and beautiful. She had kept me entertained with her quick wit and never ending sarcastic humor throughout our informal dinner in the bed of her truck. When she touched me my entire body burned like it was on fire. When she smiled at me, I stopped breathing.
I’m pretty sure I had made her come. I had felt her tighten like a vice around my cock and her thighs that were wrapped tightly around my body had trembled uncontrollably under my hands. I couldn’t get the image of her face as she rode me out of my mind. Her features twisted in a look of lustful euphoria, her lips parted slightly, and her hair cascading down her back. For those few moments I had never been happier. Until it was over.
She had seemed very nonchalant about the entire thing. She had complimented me, she had seemed pleased, yet it felt like something was missing. She didn’t want to be held. I thought most girls liked to be held after sex. Maybe it was just a stupid cliché I had heard somewhere, I had no fucking clue. Either way I had wanted to hold her.
I wanted to smell her and kiss her and brush her slightly damp hair out of her face. But no, she had rolled off of me, and immediately started to get dressed with a happy perky smile plastered on her face.
On the ride home I began to wonder what the fuck I was doing. I was really falling for this girl. I liked her a lot. More than a lot actually. I wanted to take her out on dates and hold her hand and tell her that she was beautiful. I wanted to introduce her to my friends and my family. Fuck, I wanted a shit ton of stuff I was probably never going to get.
That was my problem.
I was the chick in this situation. She was the pig headed horny frat boy out to score and bail. She was the dude and I was the fucking emotional chick who wanted more out of the relationship. And the really shitty part of the whole deal was that because of her sex addiction, I was probably never going to mean anything more to her than just a fuck. She probably wouldn’t even talk to me again after this and for that I wanted to kick myself.
Maybe if I had drawn it out just a little bit longer I could have made her want to be with me. I could have shown her what it was like to be in a real relationship. But no, I had let my dick think for me and I had plunged myself balls deep into her pussy faster than I could say Team Death Match. I was an asshole.
I played COD with the guys until almost two in the morning when we finally ended the game and said our goodnights. We all knew we needed to hit the hay because GameCon, a big gamer convention was tomorrow in Port Angeles. We had been looking forward to it for months and there was no way I was going to miss it.
I set my headset down and rubbed my eyes really glad about the fact that I was heading to bed. I needed sleep. If I were sleeping that meant my brain would shut off for a bit and give me a fucking rest. I forced myself to get off of the recliner and shuffled my way to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth and took a piss.
Before making a beeline for my messy bed I stopped to turn off the TV and Xbox when I happened to notice that I had a message. I figured it was Jasper or Jake trying to figure out what time we were meeting tomorrow or some shit. We were not the most organized assholes.
I picked up my controller and clicked on my inbox and felt my heart jump in my throat when I saw it was from Bella.
iSeizure: Hey. You there?
I didn’t know what to do. She had reached out to me that had to be a good sign right? Maybe something was wrong. I quickly realized that it didn’t matter why she was contacting me I just knew that I wanted to talk to her.
I grabbed my controller and sat back in my ratty chair my legs folded underneath me.
Sparklpuss: Yeah. I’m here.
iSeizure: r u ok?
I took a deep breath. Was I ok?
Sparklpuss: Yeah. You?
iSeizure: u seemed pissed when you left.
Sparklpuss: not pissed.
iSeizure: Ok well…I’m sorry.
I immediately felt bad.
Sparklpuss: don’t b. Wanna play a game?
Sparklpuss: I was thinking something a little less intensive.
I loaded the game and could feel my heart pounding as pulled on my headset. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice.
“Hey.” I said when she joined.
“Hey yourself.” She said softly and I could hear in her voice that she was tired.
“You sure you want to play? You sound tired.”
“Busy day.” She laughed. “No, I’m ok.”
“I’m sorry I left like that. I was just a little fucked in the head.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Not your typical virginity losing reaction.”
“Why are you so sure I was a virgin?” I asked genuinely curious. She had never asked and I had never offered but she seemed fairly convinced.
“Really Edward? I know my virgins as well as I know my gamers.” She laughed a little and I heard her yawn.
We were both quiet for a long time as we played the game. The colors were so bright and mesmerizing it was easy to totally zone out.
“I’m so tired.” She said finally. “Can we just talk. I don’t think I can play anymore.”
“Yeah. Ok.” I agreed kind of glad for an excuse to stop playing. I had been known to get sucked into Peggle until the sun came up not even realizing I had been at it for so long. With a few clicks I sent her an invite for a private chat. She accepted it right away.
“That’s so much better. I can lie down.” I heard her moan happily and I concentrated hard on my cock forcing it to stay quiet.
I wondered what she wore to bed and if she pulled her hair up or left it down. I wondered what it would be like to be snuggled up next to her my arms wrapped around her body.
“So, I guess it’s kinda my fault you are all fucked in the head?” She asked me startling me out of my day dream.
“I guess yeah. I just don’t know what you want from me now.” I said deciding to be honest with her.
“What do you mean what I want from you?”
“Well, I just figured now that we had sex you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”
She sighed. “Yeah. That would typically be my M.O.”
“That’s pretty fucked up.”
“Yeah. It is. Trust me I’m aware of how fucked up I am. Can we just talk about something else? Please? I like hearing your voice and I just want to relax and stop thinking for a little bit. Just talk to me ok?”
Just talk to her? What the fuck? What was I supposed to talk about?
“What do you want me to talk about?”
“I don’t know, tell me about you I guess. Whatever.”
For the next half hour I rambled about absolutely nothing. I have no idea what I said or why. I just knew that I wanted to keep her with me as long as I could. She would laugh occasionally or ask me a question. She really was listening to my mindless chatter. At some point the pauses of silence between our words became more drawn out and I could feel myself drifting off to sleep. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the worn cushion of my recliner thoroughly enjoying myself and thrilled that Bella wanted to spend time with me.
I don’t know at what point I fell asleep but when I opened my eyes again sunlight was filtering in through my window and my phone was buzzing in my pocket.
What a fucking night.