I was so stunned I couldn't find words.
Bella had just spilled her guts to me and was now staring at me all expectantly waiting for me to say something. Her eyes looked lost and she was chewing on the inside of her cheek nervously.
So I hadn't been imagining things. She really did like me.
Those three little words had made me feel so fucking giddy I almost laughed. Bella Swan liked me. Me. Socially retarded, slightly soft around the middle, greasy, and dorky me. She could have any guy in the whole school, hell the waiter had been eye fucking her through the whole meal, but she only had eyes for me.
Of course she was also telling me she had no idea what to do with these feelings and that she was fairly certain if we pursued any kind of relationship I would end up with a stake through my heart, but my brain was refusing to recognize these warning signs. I just wanted her.
I wanted to be able to hold her, and call her my girlfriend. I wanted to be able to hold her hand in school and have her come to my house to play XBox. I wanted to spend the weekend with her and make her a shitty gamers dream lunch of hot pockets and coke and make her laugh until she couldn't breathe. I wanted to do more than just fuck her. I wanted all of her.
"Are you going to say something? Or is your head about to explode?" She finally asked tapping her fingers nervously on the table top.
"Sorry." I sputtered trying to shake my head clear. "I just, that's ah...that...wow."
"Very eloquently put." She mumbled sarcastically looking very worried. "I agree completely."
"I wasn't expecting that. I mean, I'm glad. Really glad." I reached across the table and wrapped my hand around hers. I liked the way my long fingers looked wrapped around her tiny, delicate hand.
God I was fucking whipped.
"Yeah, I wasn't expecting it either. Trust me."
"I really don't think you will hurt me." I said seriously studying her face. I saw her press her lips into a thin line and she pulled her hand away.
"Edward." She said firmly. "I will fucking destroy you. I see it in your eyes you have dug yourself way deep here. I will crush you if you keep letting me get closer to you. Please...if you want me to continue seeing you like this you need to keep me at a safe distance."
"I don't know how to do that." I said dumbly.
She pressed the heels of her palms into her forehead and grimaced. "What the fuck am I doing?" She asked herself with a frustrated growl. She finally looked up at me and I could see the strain in her expression. I hated knowing that I was making her hurt, but I honestly had no idea how to keep her at a distance when I felt as strongly as I did. If she could learn to let herself like me, maybe she could learn to love me.
"I will try ok Bella." I finally said. "I will try to keep you at a distance but I can't promise anything. But I am not a child. I own up to my fuck ups. And if I want to fall for you, I will fucking fall for you and deal with the consequences later. Take it or leave it."
I glared at her kind of fucking proud of myself for standing my ground. I was also relieved that she couldn't see that I had my fingers crossed under the table and my knee was bobbing up and down nervously.
She licked her lips and took a deep breath. "Ok."
"Ok what?" I demanded not willing to let her get by with vague one word answers. I knew her well enough by now to recognize when she was setting up loopholes. Whenever she had to make a decision, especially when it involved anything to do with her feelings, she wanted an out.
Always thinking of a Plan B.
"Ok, I won't stop you from...falling or whatever you called it. But I'm warning you. When I do finally crash and burn and you want to take an actual M16 to my head, you have to back the fuck up and deal with my 'I told you so'."
I held my hand out to her to seal the deal with a handshake. She stared at it for a moment and then got a sly smile on her face.
"Can we fuck instead? Nothing better to seal a promise like this one than with your dick inside me."
I just rolled my eyes. "You are such a frat boy."
She laughed lightly. "I know."
I started to stand up and she followed my lead.
"Thanks for picking up the bill. I could have paid for it. I'm not a total noob." I laughed still slightly embarrassed that she had paid for my meal.
She waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. My mom is loaded and she apologizes for sending me to rehab multiples times and shipping me away to my dads by keeping my bank account fully stocked. No reason to spend your stash when I have an unlimited one."
I shrugged unable to argue with that statement.
"So where to now?" She asked flipping her keys around her index finger and walking past me as I held the restaurant door open for her.
"Back to Forks. I will call the guys when we get in the truck and see where the hell they are at."
"Cool. I'm willing to bet Jake is somewhere getting his brains fucked out by Katie." She laughed as she unlocked the truck door and jumped inside. She leaned across the seat and popped the lock on the door for me.
I scooted into the seat and turned to watch her as she carefully backed the truck out of the parking space and headed out onto the main road.
"Is she.." I asked letting my voice trail off.
"Is she what?" She asked not looking at me.
"Is she a...well...is she like you?" I asked nervously not sure how to ask the question and kicking myself for bringing it up in the first place.
"Just fucking say it." She said glaring at me now. "Out loud."
"A...a sex addict." I finally mumbled feeling ashamed of myself.
She laughed a loud genuine laugh. "I'm just fucking with you."
I narrowed my eyes at her and studied her face feeling a little embarrassed and slightly annoyed.
She grinned at me and I couldn't help myself from smiling back. "Yeah. She's like me. Well, kind of. She's into Halo guys. She rarely messes with COD gamers unless she's feeling desperate."
"I have never heard of anyone having a sex addiction to gamers. And now I've met two of you." I stared straight ahead not sure where to look. She was so beautiful when she smiled and I didn't want her to read too much into my expression if I was staring at her like a helmet wearing special kid who just spotted something sparkly.
"Yeah, Kate and I are kind of special like that. We met in rehab. The place we were at was the only one in the country that did extensive therapy with gaming addictions. Our parents weren't really sure what to do with us because we were not just addicted to gaming, but the gamers themselves. This facility had the best success rate in treatment of addicted gamers and sex addicts so we both ended up there."
"So the treatment didn't work then?"
"Um. Does it look like it worked?" She asked with a broad grin.
I just laughed and shook my head. I could feel myself getting hard as I thought about all the things she had done to me and I found myself thanking the therapists for doing a shitty job of rehabbing her. I shifted in my seat and tried to think about anything but her mouth on my cock, or how wet her pussy got when we were messing around, or how badly I wanted her on top of me.
It wasn't going well.
"I can see your hard on from here." She said quietly and I looked up at her and immediately wished I hadn't. She had that hungry look in her eyes that drove me crazy and made me stop thinking with my brain.
"Oh no you don't." I said holding my hands up."Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" She asked innocently as her cheeks flushed a beautiful pink.
"Just like that. That look you have right now makes my brain go on autopilot while my dick takes over making all decisions."
"I like when your dick makes decisions."
"Pay attention to the road." I scolded as I shifted my cock in my pants so my erection was less obvious. Now however I could feel it throbbing against my stomach and I had a hard time concentrating on anything but her tits.
I decided now was a good time to try to find Jasper and Emmett.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flipped it open. The last number I had dialed was Jasper so I just hit the send button.
It rang several times before finally being picked up.
It was Emmett that answered.
"Hey Em. Where the fuck is Jasper?" I asked as I heard several voices yelling in the background followed by a girl's laughter.
"He's right here. We are on the beach dude. You need to get the fuck over here. Jakes sister bought us a shit ton of beer and we are starting a fire now."
"It's La Push baby...say it Eddie...say La Puuuuush!!! La Puuuuuush!!!"
"I'm not going to come if you keep saying it." I snapped in irritation. "Give me Jasper."
"Um, he's kind of busy at the moment."
"He is getting as high as a fucking kite. In fact, I am not sure if he can even form words right now. That Katie chick brought some wicked badass shit. Get your ass out here."
With that Emmett hung up the phone. I slapped my phone shut and shoved it back into my pocket.
"What's up?" Bella asked glancing sideways at me.
"Apparently Katie has some killer weed?"
"Oh yeah. She always does." Bella laughed. "You better warn them to take it easy with her shit. They will be green high as fuck."
"I think Jasper is already on his way."
She laughed and shook her head.
"So I totally need to ask you a question." She said with a laugh.
I felt my stomach knot in a ball of anxiety. "What?" I asked nervously.
"What the fuck is up with your gamertag?"
"Oh that." I laughed, relieved that was all she wanted to know but slightly embarrassed by the answer.
"Yeah. That. I mean. Sparkle puss? Really?"
"Ok so...have you heard of those vampire books? The really popular ones?" I asked feeling like a chump.
"You mean The Hour Before Dark?" She asked with a snort.
"Yeah." I popped my knuckles. "They all think I kind of look like the guy that plays the main vampire in the movie."
"The sparkly one with the big hair?" She started laughing and I felt my face get red. "Oh I get it! Sparkle puss! You know, they are kind of right. You do look a lot like him now that I think about it."
"Yeah, thanks. Ok...so, your turn. What is with the seizure tag? Are you epileptic or something?"
"No. I got that nickname when I first started gaming. I get all into it and I stutter and twitch like a motherfucker. No idea why." She shrugged. "Some kind of short circuit in my brain or something. No idea."
"Hmmm." I hummed thoughtfully staring out the window.
The rest of the drive was pretty quiet. We talked about the convention and some of the games we had seen that were up for release in the next few years. I found it really easy to talk to Bella, and she was so smart when it came to gaming I found I could discuss things that even confused or bored Jasper and Emmett. She wouldn't miss a beat and would nod or make a comment enthusiastically.
"Hey, get off at this next exit." I said pointing at the off ramp that had suddenly appeared. I had been so wrapped up on our conversation I had almost missed it.
"This go to the beach?" She asked flipping her blinker on and swerving the truck over quickly to make the exit on time.
"I need to call Charlie. He asked us to be home before dark and it doesn't look like that is going to happen. The last thing we need is the whole town of Forks searching for us." As she said this she leaned forward slightly and reached into her back pocket to pull out her phone. "Hey dad? It's Bells. We are actually in La Push right now. We met some of the kids from the reservation in town and they are having a bonfire and asked us to hang out for a while. Is that cool?" There was a long pause and I could hear her father's voice on the other end, but couldn't make out what he was saying. "No dad. It's girls and guys. I promise. On the beach, totally out in the open. I swear. Before midnight....? Ok."
She shoved the phone back into her pocket and laughed.
"What?" I asked curious as to what was so funny.
"Charlie. He's trying so hard to make sure I don't get into trouble."
"So he knows about your...thing?" I was still uncomfortable with the term sex addict.
"Yeah. He knows all about my 'thing'." She smiled at me and I felt my heart flutter. I had a very strong urge to kiss her and wondered if I would be able to keep my grubby hands off of her today. Ever since she had said she liked me I had wanted to press my lips against every part of her body.
"Isn't that embarrassing? For both of you?" I asked trying to wrap my brain around her dad knowing that she was addicted to sex.
"Yeah. It's a little weird to know that my dad has intimate details about my sex life and my sexual likes and dislikes." She gripped the steering wheel tighter and I wondered if it bothered her more than she was letting on. "But, it's all part of the process. He is my dad after all."
I didn't ask any more questions since she seemed to be getting fidgety and I didn't want to set her off on a tangent. I wanted this to be a good night.
I told her how to get to the beach and it wasn't long before we were pulling into the small parking lot. There were several cars already there and as I looked down the hill leading to the beach I could see a bonfire going and people standing around.
I climbed out of the truck and smiled happily when Bella came right up to me, wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my chest.
"Can I kiss you?" I asked nervously. She looked up at me and smiled.
"You can...but you could possibly open a door that you might prefer to keep closed right now."
She raised and lowered her eyebrows suggestively.
"I'm willing to take that risk." I smiled down at her and lowered my mouth to hers.
This kiss was very different from any other we had had so far. It was gentle and soft. There was no urgency or desperation. Her lips moved slowly against mine, the tip of her tongue tasting my lips tentatively. I felt her hands slide up my back and twist into my hair but there was no pulling this time. It was a sweet and caring caress that was very unlike her. I felt her body melt into mine and I hooked my arm around her waist to hold her up because she suddenly dropped as if her knees had stopped working. When we finally pulled apart she nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck and I felt her sigh.
"That was...that was really, um. What was that?" I asked finally with a quiet laugh as I stroked her hair gently.
"That was something we are not going to talk about right now." She said firmly and I was slightly taken aback.
She pushed off my chest, straightened her shirt and glanced up at me her expression blank. I was confused, but when wasn't I fucking confused around Bella Swan? Her mood swings were almost impossible to interpret so I figured I would just stop trying and go along for the ride until I either won her heart or she ran mine over like a runaway Mack truck.
"Bella!" I heard Katie yell from the bonfire below us. "Detach yourself from that COD douche and get your skinny ass down here!!!!"
Bella smiled apologetically and reached for my hand. "Just call her a slut when we get down there."
I didn't say anything. I didn't care what Katie called me or how badly Emmett and Jasper teased me.
I had Bella.