I was sitting in my room glancing from my XBOX on the floor to my laptop sitting on the cluttered desk next to the bed.
I needed to do fucking homework but I really didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like doing much right now other than sleeping or losing myself on XBOX for a few hours.
It had been several weeks since Bella Swan had totally fucked with my head. I still hadn't figured out what the hell had happened. She told me she loved me that much I was sure of. I heard her say it more than once and the fact that she snuck into my bed and cried in my arms told me that she was not just playing games with me. But how does someone express love for someone else and then all of a sudden make a complete 180 and start fucking someone else just because the situation changed slightly.
And Mr. Bennett? Really? That fat fucker was the epitome of a dirty old man. I should have guessed he was a gamer. At least, that is what I had been telling myself. That was the only reason I could figure that Bella would ever try to hit on a guy like that. It was a moment of weakness on her part.
I couldn't find words to describe how I felt when I walked into that classroom and saw her straddling him with her arms around his pudgy neck. I wanted to break Bennett’s face with my fist which was not like me. I did not typically choose violence solve my issues. When I played video games, sure...but never in real life.
I turned over my right hand and studied the swollen and bruised skin over my knuckles. I opened and closed my fist and winced at the pain that shot up my wrist to my elbow. I was pretty sure I broken something but I didn't want to go to the doctor. I wasn't a fucking pussy.
I smiled a little at the memory of how it had felt to rearrange Mike Newton's face. When he finally came back to school about five days after the fight, even I had to admit he looked like shit. His nose was broken, his lip split open in two places. There was a deep laceration over his eyebrow and someone told me he had a broken rib. Who knew I had it in me?
My rebel without a cause behavior had gotten me suspended for three days. It was a wonder I wasn't expelled. I had honestly been expecting it but my dad talked to Mr. Now and convinced him that since I didn't have any prior history of trouble, this had been an isolated incident and wouldn't happen again. I was honestly more worried about what my parents were going to say about the whole messed up situation then I ever was about school. I never got in trouble and then out of the blue I was fucking Billy Badass busting faces and destroying school property.
My poor mom. I figured she would know about Bella. Fuck, who didn't know about Bella? The town of Forks was so tiny it only took a few hours for news to spread like wild fire and Bella's situation had been no exception. Of course she would know that the police chief's daughter was a sex addict with a taste for video gamers. Of course she would have heard about her being caught in the act with her latest conquest and the Chief had put her on severe lockdown. Thankfully she’d been spared the knowledge that the boy involved with Bella was her own son.
I finally stood up and reached for my laptop, sliding it off the desk and lying down onto my bed. I had every intention of doing homework but the second I turned the computer on my mind began to wander. I lay my head on my pillow and rested the laptop on my stomach listening to the whir of the fan as it complained over not being able to vent properly. Everything about my life right now sucked. It sucked to close my eyes, it sucked to go to school, and it even sucked to hang out with my friends.
The other day I rode with Jake to the reservation to get my car fixed and met Charli for the first time. She was as hot as he had described and what was even better was that she didn't give him the time of day. He followed her around like a puppy dog as she gave my piece of shit car a once over. I had never seen Jake act that way around any girl and the sight made my heart hurt. I could tell she liked him by the way she allowed him to get up in her personal space and the way she occasionally brushed up against him but he was oblivious to it all. He was so wrapped up in impressing her and trying to get her attention that he was missing all the little signs.
Then there was Emmett. Emmett had been fawning over Rosalie Hale for as long as I could remember. He fell in love with her when we were in sixth grade and she was on the dance squad. He saw her in her little dance outfit at one of the Junior High football games and he was lost from that point forward. She of course was way out of his league with her perfect curvy body and her long wavy platinum blonde hair, and consistently blew him off no matter how persistent he was. That was until a few weeks ago. He had been at school and was making one of his weekly attempts to seduce her when to his complete amazement, and everyone else's total shock; she agreed to go on a date. Now they were inseparable, not to mention completely disgusting to be around.
I pretty much kept my head down and forged through each day with a numbness I didn't know I had in me.
There was a knock on my door.
"Yeah?" I called out expecting my mom to come through the door. She had been uncharacteristically helpful these past few weeks. It was as if she could tell how fucked up I was and had started doing my laundry again, and making me cookies.
Normally I would have eaten up that shit like a fat kid with a bowl of ice-cream but I was too out of it to even take much notice. The door swung open and I saw my dad standing in the doorway.
He looked uncomfortable and his eyes flicked from the mess of dirty clothes on my floor to my disheveled self sprawled out on the bed.
"Can I come in for a second?" He asked raising his eyebrows slightly.
I nodded and gestured to the chair in front of my desk that was piled with clothes and other random shit. He eyed the chair for a moment before deciding to sit at my feet on the bed.
"What’s up?" I grumbled closing my laptop and sitting up.
"I saw Bella. A few weeks ago." He said quietly. He stared at his hands for a moment and then looked up to study my face. I had not been expecting that. Never in a million years did I think today, my dad would waltz into my room and declare he had seen Bella Swan. I felt my heart skip several beats and I drew in a sharp breath. I hope he hadn't noticed. "I wanted to tell you sooner but I've been doing a lot of thinking about the whole situation and I've only just now reached a conclusion."
I cleared my throat. "Oh, yeah?" I asked trying to sound nonchalant but knowing I failed miserably when I choked on the words on their way out.
My dad laughed a little and nodded. "Yeah. She looks pretty miserable."
I rolled my eyes. "Well thanks. That makes me feel much better."
"She is being enrolled in the program."
I knew immediately what program he was talking about. It was actually pretty cool. My dad worked with the addicts at Crossroads by giving them homeless dogs to raise, train and then adopt out to a family. It taught them responsibility or some shit. I knew it was only for patients that the psychologist felt was ready and that meant Bella was doing well. I really should have felt better hearing this information but I felt my stomach twist in a knot and I suddenly had an urge to be sick.
If she got out would she want me or would she want Bennett? I felt myself getting pissed off at the thought and I clenched my fists and rubbed them up and down my pant leg. I saw my dad watching me suspiciously and stopped right away.
"I think it might be a good idea for you to go along." He said, his eyes narrowed. "You know, when I bring her her dog.I think it might be good for her to see you, and good for you. I talked to Dr. Harper and she said that although Bella's parents may disagree...she thinks it is a good idea as well."
Could I? Would I want that? Would she want that? The thoughts raced through my mind faster than I had time to answer them. "I don't know if I want to see her." I said finally.
My dad looked slightly taken aback. "Really? I thought you would have wanted that. I guess - well, it just seems like you really miss her."
"Yeah, well...you seem to forget she tried to bone a teacher behind my back." I grumbled angrily.
"Yes. I suppose that's true." He patted the bed and pushed himself back to a standing position. Before he walked out of my room he paused in the door way and turned back around. "Well, if you change your mind I'm taking a dog to her tomorrow. I would be happy to write you a note to miss school."
With that, he tapped the door frame and left my room closing the door behind him.
I had a lot to think about.
The next day at school I was in a trance. All I could think about was the possibility of seeing Bella again and the epic battle that was waging inside of me. One part of me desperately wanted to see her and the other part of me was still so pissed off about Mr. Bennett I could barely see straight. You know that stupid fucking cartoon with the angel and the devil on some poor moron's shoulders? Yeah, that was me.
"Edward?" A little female voice asked timidly beside me as I walked. I missed a step while I was walking and stumbled forward slightly, surprised that anyone was talking to me. I looked to my right and saw a tiny girl staring up at me expectantly. Her spiky black hair was sticking in every direction and although I knew it was meant to look like she didn't give a shit, it had probably taken hours to get just so. I had no idea who this girl was and I was even more clueless as to why she was talking to me.
"Uh…yeah." I said sounding like a total moron.
"I'm Alice...remember? We've met before. I'm friends with Bella." She rolled her eyes when I still couldn't remember who the hell she was. I noticed she had to take two quickly paced steps to keep up with one of mine so I slowed a bit trying to be helpful. She seemed relieved and slowed her hop, skip, walk.
"Bella Swan?" I asked trying to clarify. I didn't know Bella had any friends at school. I mean I know Stanley kept her around as a kind of pet, but I had never seen Bella talk to this Alice girl or even mention her name.
"Yes. We just recently met, but we have become very close. I went and saw her at Crossroads the other day."
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face her. "How is she?" I asked before I could stop myself. I hadn't wanted to ask too many questions with my father but for some reason I felt comfortable with this girl.
"She’s ok." She tried to force a smile but then when she held my gaze for a moment the half assed grin melted into a frown. "She looks like crap."
Alice's tiny shoulders drooped slightly. This information came as no surprise to me. I didn't even want to imagine what Bella looked like.
"Yeah. Great. Ok...I need to go to class." despite the fact I wanted to stand there and ask her a million questions I fought the urge and started walking away. If she didn't want me, I didn't want to give myself false hope.
"Wait!" She called out and took several quick steps towards me. "She loves you!"
Those last words shot through me like a knife. I stopped and turned to face her slowly. "What did you say?"
Alice rushed to my side and hissed at me impatiently. "She loves you, you stupid...you stupid MANBOY!"
I wanted to laugh at her viciousness. She was like a dainty little Chihuahua...no idea how small and non threatening she actually was. "She is over me." I grunted with a humorless laugh. "She made that clear when she tried to bang Mr. Bennett in his fucking office chair."
"You are an idiot aren't you?" She asked with an impatient tap of her toe. "That wasn't her. Mr. Bennett threatened to fail her in his class. He told her that she could make it up to him through...extra credit." She swallowed hard and the look on her face told me she was about to be sick. I stepped out of her way.
"Please don't puke on me."
"I won't. It's just....someone needs to get that fucker fired. And poor Bella. Everyone thought that she was the one who seduced him because of her...thing. Even you. The one who supposedly loves her." Alice's eyes narrowed and she frowned at me. I felt like my mother was reprimanding me for not cleaning my room.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. She loves you Edward. She hates herself for what she did to you."
"She didn't -, but I -" I stammered but Alice held her hand up.
"She didn't say anything that day because she was mortified. She was too embarrassed to face you."
"Fuck!" I yelled loudly not caring that I had suddenly attracted the attention of everyone in the hallway. "Fuck, I am an idiot."
It all seemed to make sense now and I was even more furious myself for being so blind.
"Killing Bennett does not help Bella." Alice whispered tugging at my arm. It was like she was reading my damn mind. "You need to go see her."
She was right. I did need to see her. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. Flipping it open I hit the speed dial and raised it to my ear.
"Forks Animal Hospital this is Emily how may I help you?" A sweet voice answered the phone at my father's work.
"Hey Em, it's Edward is my dad still there?" I asked hopefully.
"Oh yeah! Hey Edward he's right here."
I heard the phone shuffle as it changed hands and then my father's voice came through the speaker. "What’s up?"
"I want to go with you. Today. To go see Bella." My chest tightened as I waited for his answer. I hoped the offer was still on the table despite my reaction when he first asked me.
"Oh! Well, sure. I will come get you then in an hour?"
I felt relief wash over me.
I hung up the phone and shoved it back into my pocket. I turned back to Alice. "Thank you." I said sincerely.
"Just make her better ok?" She pleaded and for the first time I noticed that it seemed like she really cared about Bella. I smiled slightly.
"I'll try." I adjusted my bag and started heading for the parking lot. I couldn't concentrate enough to sit through class for an hour when I knew I was about to see Bella. I would just wait in my car.
"Hey Edward!" I heard Jasper yell after me. I didn't turn around. I felt kind of bad, but I knew he would understand. "What the fuck dude!"
"Hi!" I heard the perky pixie voice exclaim. "I’m Alice."
"Jasper. And apparently I'm fucking invisible."
"Mmmm...No. You're not."
That was the last thing I heard before I disappeared into the crowd of students.
I was going to see Bella.